Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
