How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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