Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
