We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
