I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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