Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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