is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
