I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
