bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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