Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
