Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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