Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
