well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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