Christians are straight up FREAKS
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
