I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
