He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
