Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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