i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
