I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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