my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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