omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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