Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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