I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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