Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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