just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
