Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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