Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
