weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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