Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
