went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We are two peas in an std pod
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
