Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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