speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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