I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
