so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
