It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
