I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
