She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
