He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
