they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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