Having a random hookup so left but love u
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
