i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
