She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize