They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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