her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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