we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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