You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
