Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
