Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
