I hate your face
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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