i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
