"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
