Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
