Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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