i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ruined the universe
Randomize
