There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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