saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize