just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
