the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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