My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
