we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
