who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize